We always ask ourselves, What is the point of relationships? Relationships can cause happiness or pain. The pain can be caused by the need to change something within yourself and awaken the need to work on making things better. We as humans hate the feeling of pain because it causes us to be upset and uncomfortable. But this pain will help you reveal to yourself and change the attachments that may be needed to be rid of in your life.
Pain can come in the form of a simple sign of feeling bad for not getting that job you wanted, not getting a complement for that nice red dress or just upset that your partner gave someone else a compliment. All the upsets of pain whether, big and small, simple and complex have their roots in our attachments to others. Our attachments to relationships could be to security, money, sex, power, prestige, name, fame, religion, children, family, comfort, food.
As long as we allow ourselves to have these attachments, they will remain strong within us, we will live in fear and misery. It causes us to be afraid of not getting what we want, afraid of loosing it if we have it and fearful of those who we’re dependent on for their fulfillment. Any relationship which you depend for your personal gratification and security will eventually lead you to the mess of anger, control, possessiveness, jealousy, fear and hatred. This is easy enough to see, if we watch our relationships in action. We need to measure the strength of one’s relationship by the level of attachment is quite silly. Life will not allow relationships to endure and by producing a few storms will eventually tear it down and force a new one to be built. When two self-sufficient people meet, adore each other and enjoy each others company, they will have the makings of something special.
Relationships are about learning, growth and connection. Besides the physical stuff we learned language so we could communicate our needs and then begin to understand the needs of others. We learned how to love and have connections. All of this is essential to our being able to connect successfully with others.
Our first problem in relationships is, we are ready for sexual intimacy long before our brains are mature enough to handle true intimacy and connection. Just because you have become intimate with the other sex, doesn’t mean that you can carry on a relationship with this individual. You don’t know anything about this person and you should have started with get to know the mind first and NOT the body.
So this brings us to what we call soul mates. Many describe a soul mate as someone who carries the other half of you heart. They mold perfectly to you and you feel the sensation of not being able to live without this person.
We need to realize that we can have many soul mates in our lifetime. They are the people that you learn your lessons in life from. But this doesn’t mean they are meant to be in your life forever. Lessons can come in the form of good and bad, pain and joy.
We need to ask ourselves, is this the person that I will be happy spending the rest of my life with. No relationship is perfect and there are flaws but we need to be sure that this person excepts you as you do them. You will feel linked and build your relationship on unity and compromise. At sometimes it’s even about a mental connection. A soul mate is not someone that you can easily walk away from. It is someone that you can’t imagine living life without. The feelings must be mutual in working out all your relationship ups and downs. Key word MUTUAL not one sided feelings.
Just remember, just because you had a crush on someone since elementary and hook up later in life or you were high school/college sweethearts doesn’t make this person your soul mate. It’s much more deeper than that, a person that plays on your insecurities, even if it consciously or subconscious, is not your soul mate.
Dig deep into getting to know someone and look at the true inner person. Your gut will tell you the truth, so pay attention. Always be true about what you are feeling and look at the person with blinders off!
Signs that some can be your Soul-Mate:
Magnetism that you both share
Feeling of connection that is very deep right from the start.
A calm atmosphere and inner calm
There is instant lifting of spirit
There is no nervousness
There are no judgments
There is patience & encouragement
You are never made to feel bad or lower than them
There is great equality
You think very much alike
Sex is optional-never forced or expected
There is gentleness towards each other
This person will also be your best friend
Will never restrict you
Loves you for you and not just your physical appearance